Save A Life
As I write this post, on October 17th, it is the 42nd anniversary of my father’s passing. He took his life. Just two days ago, I learned that a former colleague made the same choice for herself last week. I was brokenhearted to learn this. Like my father, she was an amazing person, well-loved, well-respected, a good soul, and way to young to die. This was not my planned topic for this month, but I feel led to write about how you can save a life.
While I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist, I have spent the last 40+ years since my dad died researching the topic. There are many reasons people contemplate this tragic action like stress, depression, addictions, trauma, significant losses, serious illness, major life changes, etc… When you experience a loved one, co-worker, or acquaintance expressing what you feel like could be suicidal ideation there are steps you can take to help them.
First of all, understand what is suicidal ideation. It refers to thoughts or plans about suicide, ranging from fleeting considerations and off-handed comments to detailed planning. It can vary in intensity and may not always result in an attempt. It can range from general feelings of hopelessness to expressing a desire to end one’s life to deciding on a method or time.
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal ideation, take it seriously. Encouraging or helping them seek help from a mental health professional or contacting a crisis hotline is essential. In 2022, the United States and Canada established the crisis emergency number “988” which is a suicide and crisis lifeline. It is tended to 24/7/365 and all conversations are free and confidential. You can call, text, or chat. Learn more at www.988lifeline.org.
If your loved one, co-worker, or acquaintance is not ready or willing to seek professional help, you can help them in the moment by listening to them and letting them share what is on their heart and mind. Recently, I listened to a podcast called “Finding Contentment,” sponsored by the American Institute of Stress. The episode is titled, “Stress and Suicide Prevention.” The interview was with Brett Cotter, a prominent expert in mental health, stress management, and suicide prevention. I learned a process called the “5 Prompts” which can be very helpful in getting a person demonstrating suicidal ideation to talk.
Before you use the “5 Prompts” make sure to calm your own emotions. It is natural when you think that someone is in danger of harming themselves to feel and express your own strong emotions. That is not going to help the situation. You will hijack your ability to help the other person. If you find yourself in this situation, take a few calming deep breaths to relax your own emotions.
If you are with them in person, connect with them with your body language. This can be done in a variety of ways. You can have your palms facing up which non-verbally communicates you are open to listening. Sit next to them and make sure some part of your body is appropriately touching them. For example, lean in with your left side, touching them with your left hand on their arm or knee. You can also use your left eye and look into their right eye. This tells their brain you are in a receptive mode. Soft facial expressions and soft eyes will help them feel more comfortable talking to you.
Once you have established a connection, use these five prompts one at a time, letting them respond fully to each question/statement.
1. “Please tell me more.”
2. “I want to hear everything.“
3. “What’s the hardest part to talk about?”
4. What’s your biggest fear about that?
5. What does that feel like?”
These prompts, when communicated sincerely and with active listening on your part, help them release and unpack their emotions. Being able to name their emotions, helps them to tame them.
None of this is a guarantee, but it may help move them in the right direction. Ideally, you want to encourage them to get professional help from a trained counselor or crisis helpline. I hope you never need this but, if you do, now you have some resources. As the daughter of someone who took their life, I wish I had the opportunity to do these things with my father before he made his tragic decision. It might have been a different outcome. Now my mission is to find ways to bring good from the saddest time of my life.
Peace be with you.
Sincerely yours,
Anita Greenland